It’s not about going over the words – it’s about going into them

Last week, we ended off on a cliffhanger.

First, we pushed on the age-old human struggle between Hashem’s total control of the world and the evident impact our actions make on it.

We see the world pretty much following the rules of cause and effect. We see people following “formulas” for success – like investing more time so they can produce better results – and truly achieving success. We see that when we flip a light switch, the light goes on. When we put in extra hours at work, we get more money. And so much more.

Then we open up our siddurim – and everything’s purely in Hashem’s hands.

Hashem gives us sight – even though we were born with it and never lost it. Hashem clothes the naked – even though we put on our clothes every morning. Hashem heals the sick – even though when we don’t feel well, our relief comes from Advil, 30 minutes after we pop the pills just like the label says.

So we end up feeling disconnected from the words of the tefillah. Transitioning from control mode to leaving everything up to Hashem is very hard to do.

Because on an internal level, we’re struggling with the question of “What’s really true?” Is it really all Him? Do we really not make a difference?”

The classic Jewish answer? “Yes!” to both. Hashem is in total control. And we use our power of bechira to impact reality. Both are true at the same time. But because bechira stands out so much more prominently in our lived experience, we end up getting stuck on it.

And that’s why we have tefillah. To make sure we develop our “eyes of emunah,” not just eyes that can see our own impact.

How do you do that? Last week, we mentioned the remedy called “hisbonenus,” contemplation, and the interpretation by the Targum as “histaklus,” or “gazing.”

What exactly does histaklus involve? And why does it help us here?

Sometimes, we understand something. Other times, we understand something. There’s intellectually grasping a concept – and then there’s internalizing it to a point where it integrates into our thinking, our lens for life.

In his introduction to Mesillas Yesharim, the Ramchal states that the more simply and obvious a concept becomes to us, the more we forget and disregard it.

If that surprised you, you’re in good company. Most of us would assume the opposite – that the more obvious something is, the more memorable it is.

But that’s because the Ramchal isn’t speaking here about literal forgetting. We might remember a concept so well, we could recite it word for word if someone shook us awake and demanded we do so.

But that doesn’t mean we’ve absorbed it. We don’t live it.

Often, because it seems so obvious and simple that we never feel the need to think more about it.

LIke the fact that Hashem controls reality.

We’ve been hearing this our whole lives. We’ve accepted it. We even preface our questions around bechira by saying “Of course Hashem runs the world, but…”

That’s because our knowledge and acceptance has stayed intellectual. We haven’t internalized it.

So how do we change that?

The Mesillas Yesharim prescribes “repetition and consistency.”

No, that doesn’t mean going over and over it like school detention “lines,” hoping it’ll seep in eventually.

It means histaklus. It means going back over it with eyes open, searching for more within it.

So. When we pray, and we come across words that spark our “bechira vs. yediyah” dilemma, we need to pause for a moment, and mentally ask ourselves some questions.

“What does this really mean?” “What does this mean to me?” “What else does this mean?” “What does this truth lead me to think about next?” Or even just, “Does this really mean what I think it means? And why does that seem so meaningful?”

The more we ask ourselves these questions about the faraway concepts in tefillah, the more we open up the doors of our minds. So that eventually, Hashem’s full and absolute control of the world is just as apparent as the impact our bechira makes on the world around us.