What to do if we just don’t feel like loving our fellow Jews

And… the Three Weeks is once again approaching. As we slowly move into another season of mourning the Beis Hamikdash (Holy Temple), it’s the perfect time to fine-tune our ahavas Yisrael.

What’s the first ingredient in successful avodas hamiddos (character development)? Honesty. Applied to ahavas Yisrael, honesty compels us to face the fact that loving other Jews unconditionally is very far from easy.

Most Jews think and behave totally differently than we do. Their values and priorities are different – if not directly opposite ours. And even among those just like us, there are the people with annoying habits, the irritating relatives, the arrogant fellow who sits next to us in shul.

On top of all this – what about the fact that we can’t just create feelings at will? How can G-d command us to love our fellow Jews if we don’t have much control over our emotions?

Ah, but does “ahava” in this mitzvah really mean emotional love?

Join us over the next few weeks as we discover the answer to that question – and make some genuine progress in our ahavas yisrael.

We’ll start by reading Hillel Hazakein’s definition of ahavas Yisrael (Shabbos 31a). He takes the Torah’s simple, straightforward, “Love your fellow Jew like you love yourself” and turns it negative: “Don’t do to your friend what you wouldn’t want done for you.”

Why make that flip? Because “love your fellow Jew” seems a bit open-ended. Hillel’s definition takes a very broad instruction and gives it clear parameters.

Well, somewhat clear. Even with Hillel’s explanation, there’s plenty of room for confusion. Does it mean that if I’m not a fan of steak, I should never serve it to friends who enjoy it? That doesn’t seem to make sense. So what does Hillel really mean?

Rashi (ibid.) explains: Don’t transgress our friend’s will just as we would hate for him to transgress our will.

Aha. Now we have an actionable definition of ahavas Yisrael. Though we might not be able to turn love on automatically, we’re definitely in control of whether we take another person’s will seriously or not.

The only thing is, other people’s wills often contradict our own. What do we do then?

According to Rav Yerucham Levovitz, the mitzvah of ahavas Yisrael is to connect with other Jews to the extent that we become one with them. Essentially, he explains, all Jews are one. Working on our ahavas Yisrael puts us more in touch with that reality.

So. According to Rashi, we’re looking to start appreciating and respecting the wills of others. And, as per Rav Yerucham, our starting point involves learning to see ourselves as one with them.

Does this sound a bit too abstract? We’ll spend the next few weeks bringing it down to earth. For now, let’s spend some time reflecting on the idea that we’re essentially one with other Jews – and therefore, we have the power to hold their will in the same high regard that we hold our own.