Life hasn’t messed you up. It’s brought you closer to your own perfection

If you didn’t come away from last week’s email with this burning question… well, you’ll probably be surprised you didn’t.

Here’s the question: we keep discussing the idea of making our own decisions. Trusting our intuition. Choosing our own path in each area of avodas Hashem.

But… who said we can trust our intuition? We aren’t the pure newborn babies we once were, fresh from our Torah lessons with the angel in our mother’s womb. We’ve been tainted by our surroundings. Our upbringing. Our life experiences. Our education.

Haven’t those influences caused us to develop preferences? Don’t we lack the impartiality to make the right decisions?

Well, we might not be impartial. We might even be powerfully biased in certain areas. But who said that’s a negative thing?

In fact, if we reflect a bit on the concept of hashgacha pratis, we might find that it’s actually meant to be that way.

What is hashgacha pratis, exactly? In English, we translate this phrase as “Divine providence.” But what does it really mean?

Many of us might define it as the simple fact that everything that happens to us comes from Hashem. When good things happen, we know Whom to thank. When bad things happen, we comfort ourselves with the knowledge that, well, at least Hashem had a good reason for putting us through them. And we might even learn that reason one day, like the people in all those inspirational “hashgacha pratis stories.”

Hashgacha pratis, however, goes deeper than that.

The Ramchal (Derech Hashem 2:3) teaches us that Hashem gave each of us a unique purpose in this world. No one but we can fulfill this purpose.

How does Hashem make sure we accomplish our purpose? He creates for each of us a unique “life recipe,” packed with every ingredient and tool we need. A personality that fits our mission. An upbringing that supports it. Circumstances, strengths, weaknesses, experiences, and challenges that point us in the right directions.

Who we are, what’s happened in our lives – they’re not random. They’re all ingredients Hashem has been adding to us so we can become ourselves. The version of ourselves we’re meant to be.

We’ve all been through painful times. We’ve all experienced things we wished we hadn’t. But wishing them away isn’t the right thing to do. Because Hashem didn’t make mistakes, G-d forbid, when dealing us these challenges. He tailored them specifically to mold us into the people we’re supposed to become.

Do you feel strongly about stretching yourself to host Shabbos guests? Perhaps that’s because you didn’t always have a cozy family table of your own to spend Shabbos at.

Do you feel pulled to a certain area of Torah study? Maybe you lost a beloved grandfather who made that area a specialty of his, and you feel that by learning it, you perpetuate his legacy.

Did you grow up distant from Torah and learn disciplines the typical frum Jew doesn’t? Instead of trying to erase those portions of your life, consider that Hashem might have exposed you to them so you could use them to serve Him.

Hashgacha pratis means that our experiences haven’t turned us into messed-up, less-than versions of ourselves. They haven’t made us less capable of accomplishing great things and fulfilling our purpose.

On the contrary, they’ve brought us closer. They’ve become the signs along our path to greatness, guiding us to make the choices that will ultimately bring out our best selves.

Our intuition has wise things to say. Let’s give that inner voice of ours the respect it deserves.