How to get into the driver’s seat of your life

We were excited – until we realized how familiar it all seemed.

Last week’s description of a life of newness, of discovery, of excitement, sounded incredible. After absorbing the idea, many of us grabbed eagerly onto the practical exercise and told ourselves we’d love to try it.

And then our excitement faded. Because… wasn’t this just another thing to do? Another obligation to put on that task list that had us running the yetzer hara’s rat race in the first place?

The short answer? No.

The long answer starts with a perspective shift.

Most of us are sitting in the passenger seat of life. Life is driving us along, and all we get to do is react. We try our best to enjoy the ride, hope we don’t hit too many bumps, and hold on tight when we do.

To live a life of discovery, we need to stop the car, get out, open the driver’s seat door, and take hold of the wheel. We need to recognize our ability to become the creator, the designer, the driver of the life we’re living.

What does that mean?

Hashem has given us life. He’s given us certain circumstances we can’t change. He’s also given us certain parameters we need to live by. But He’s also given us full agency to move our life forward according to our very own choices.

This is how it’s meant to be. But most of us don’t get to spend a lot of time in the driver’s seat. Why? Because the yetzer hara does an incredible job of getting us to slide over.

He tells us that our desires, our urges, our challenges, our life-experiences are the ones sitting at the wheel. That all we can do is follow their lead.

What can we do? We need comfort. We need ease. Sure, a daily Daf Yomi commitment sounds nice, but… driver doesn’t let.

We’d love a better relationship with our spouse. But there’s this package called “Spouse’s unforgivable flaws” sitting in the driver’s seat, and we can’t circumvent its authority.

The yetzer hara puts our assumptions – about ourselves, others, our circumstances – in the driver’s seat. He puts our fears there. Our perceptions about our own limitations.

So “I can’t be friends with that neighbor, we’re too different!” becomes our reality. “This child isn’t changing, I’ll just have to get used to it” becomes our reality. “I’m not a spiritual person, I just can’t connect to davening” becomes our reality.

But they don’t have to remain our reality.

Because there really are other options.

There really is room for change, for new sides of our stories to emerge.

There’s more than one way to try connecting to davening – hundreds or thousands or even more ways than that, in fact. There’s more than one way to view our child or our neighbor, and to approach our dealings with them.

There’s more than one path to greatness in Torah. There are endless ways to find meaning in Shabbos. There’s more than one way to deal with x uncomfortable new challenge. There’s more than one way, despite what social conventions might tell us, to educate our kids and set them on successful tracks in life.

Once we recognize that we have options – and that we have the ability to choose from among those options – we put ourselves back in the driver’s seat of life.

We begin a life of discovery. Of newness. Of control. Of self-determination. And, of the feelings of creativity and aliveness that come along with it.

What about you? What’s an area in your life where you feel things have stagnated? Not connecting to your spouse? Not feeling it in the emunah department? Pushing blandly through the mitzvos you do?

Right now, choose one “blah” or challenging area. What’s a new way you could approach it? What’s an aspect you could focus on that you’ve never focused on before? If you can’t think of an answer, where can you find a resource that might give you guidance?

The sameness? The restrictedness? The blahness? It’s all a smokescreen. It’s all the yetzer hara.

Why does he deserve to be in the driver’s seat? Let’s take our seats back! Let’s realize that we always have options – and start choosing new ones.