How to know whether your preferences are coming from YOU – or from your yetzer hara

Isn’t it liberating? Isn’t it empowering? Hashem wants us… to be who we are! He wants our choices. He wants our input when it comes to our own lives.

For many of us, this idea has changed the way we think of our avodas Hashem. We’ve been excited to tune into ourselves and think – hm, what is it about Shabbos (or tefillah or chesed or any other mitzvah) that speaks to me?

But as we chose, we couldn’t quite dismiss a niggling little question: what if choosing what we want means we’re listening to our yetzer hara? How do we know that the path that “speaks to us” isn’t speaking to us from a sinful or no-good place?

It’s a frightening question.

To answer it, we’ll start with the Ramban’s teaching that we perform bris milah on a limb “abundant in chaos and confusion.” By marking it with the bris, we aim to control and temper that chaotic drive.

This statement teaches us something about the nature of yetzer hara. That it’s chaotic. Confused. Frenzied. The opposite of calm and settled and at peace.

As Rav Wolbe taught us, however, when we make choices in avodas Hashem, we’re supposed to do so out of oneg – that sense of identification, of resonating with the path or option we’d like to choose. Now, oneg is also a component of our Shabbos menucha, the state of calm, contentment, and belonging that Shabbos brings us.

When you feel belonging, when you identify with what you’re doing, you find peace. You find contentment. You’re home.

Living for taavah, running after pleasure and excitement, yields anything but peace. It’s a life of endless chasing, of constantly growing dissatisfied and needing more. It’s only oneg that stays, that grows, that deepens. Connected to ourselves, oneg allows us to feel the peace and contentment that comes with being exactly where we need to be.

That’s how we can tell whether our choices are coming from a place of good or of yetzer hara – how do we feel afterwards? Are we settled? Content? At peace with our decision? Or are we still feeling conflicted, still itching for more?

If we feel at peace, we’ve made the right decision. We’ve discovered oneg. Only if we still feel agitated and confused have we decided based on the yetzer hara.

Often, deciding based on an external, objective search for the right answer brings that same sense of unsettledness. We haven’t taken ourselves into account, so we can’t reach that deep inner peace that comes with being ourselves – or, more accurately, actualizing ourselves.

This topic carries special significance now, with Elul approaching. It’s a time full of inspiration – which, for too many of us, doesn’t lead to much practical growth.

Why? Why is it so hard to retain the inspiration of Elul?

Perhaps because, in a way, we’re spending Elul focused more on “taavah” than on “oneg.” We choose kabbalos (resolutions) based on what others highlight as important. What everyone else is working on. The hot-button issues of our time.

This year, let’s do something different. Before choosing a kabbalah, let’s put aside the assumptions we’ve made about what we “should” be working on. Let’s ask ourselves, what speaks to me? How can I improve my avodas Hashem from a place of oneg?

We might just find we’ve unlocked a powerful secret for making our Elul resolutions last.

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The approach to our avodas Hashem really provides a new lease on life especially as we move forward into Elul and the Yamim Nora’im

Elul and the Yamim Nora’im is a time of renewal – focus in life and without this understanding of responsibility it’s difficult to see how we can forge a new path in life in the coming year

[Summary: Drift of life→running after results→responsibility to the task not to create→no creation and no self→break out of the drift→responsibility to life→stop running and consider different options→choose what you want to choose not what you’re expected to choose→create a life for yourself→the “I” emerges]

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For one on the court the intensity actually adds to their drive to try harder and succeed, whereas for those sitting in the stands the intensity seems laborious and exhausting

When in the stands it’s easy to harp on the team’s mistakes, whereas on the court mistakes don’t get you down – you make a mental note and get back up and carry on with your job

For those in the stands challenges are a pain and a bother; yet for those on the court challenges are opportunities to grow and excel

For those in the stands when the game’s over the game’s over; for those on the court playing never ends

When on the court you’re living it; when in the stands you’re just “observing” it

Living the life of Torah requires that we get on the court with our Judaism

Over the next couple of weeks we will distinguish between being in the stands and on the court, show where this applies to our Judaism and lay out the steps we can take to transition from the stands to the court