The yediyah-bechira contradiction won’t ever leave us – but is that a problem?

How many decisions do you make in a day?

According to researchers, an average of 35,000.

35,000 times a day, we exert our choice-making power – and watch events and circumstances flow according to our decisions.

As we’ve been discussing, our daily tefillos focus us on the “yediyah” side of the fate-vs.-free-will paradox. We tune into the spiritual realm of life, where Hashem’s total control is unmistakable.

But then we close our siddurim, enter our 35,000-decision-packed day, and fall right back into the paradox. Because it’s impossible to escape the cause-and-effect evidence unfolding constantly as we act and choose.

But what if that’s perfectly ok?

What if Hashem didn’t create this paradox to confuse us, but to empower us? To ground us? To bolster our avodas Hashem with confidence and balance?

We live in a world of free choice. We’re responsible to make the right decisions – and to clean up our messes when we make poor ones.

The problem is, these responsibilities sometimes sit more heavily on us than we can confidently handle. And then, instead of making courageous choices, we flounder. We let fear of failure or rejection hold us back. We beat down on ourselves for past mistakes. We fall into paralyzing despair.

That’s when invoking yediyah fixes everything.

Keeping yediyah in mind, we get to remind ourselves that while we’re responsible for our actions, ultimately, it’s all up to Him. Ultimately, He and His master plan are pulling the strings, not us. So no matter what the past looked like, right now, we can rest our future in His capable hands. We can jump into the right choices with confidence.

Parshas Vayigash shows this dynamic in action when Yosef attempts to reassure his mortified brothers. “You didn’t send me here,” he tells them (Bereishis 45:8), “but rather Hashem did.” Yes, they had acted, and they were responsible for the consequences of their actions. But Yosef sought to soothe their self-blame and anger by reminding them that ultimately, Hashem had chosen to arrange things as they were.

Does this back-and-forth dance between yediyah and bechira reconcile the age-old paradox? Of course not.

What does it do? It frees us from the shackles of fear and uncertainty that tamper with our bechira to make a difference in the world. It empowers us to make bolder moves and bigger contributions in our avodas Hashem.

So next time your yetzer hara tries to “soothe” you into inaction with the claim that Hashem takes care – jump to the bechira side. Remind him that you’ve got free choice, and full responsibility for the outcomes of those choices.

But when he changes tactics and whines that you aren’t good enough, that you’ve failed before, that you’ll embarrass yourself again – jump back to the yediyah side. Let him know that ultimately, those weren’t your mistakes, they were G-d’s planned outcomes.

And since it’s Hashem asking you to take the action the yetzer hara is kvetching about, you can feel perfectly confident jumping in once again. Because while the choice is yours, the ultimate outcomes are up to Him.