Get your yetzer hara to WANT avodas Hashem

What makes people love their jobs?

Obviously, they need to like the actual work they’re assigned. But other factors might also have an effect – like the way their bosses communicate those assignments.

Some employers are “top-down” people. I’m the boss, I pay you, do what I say. Their employees do their work grudgingly, putting in just enough time and effort to earn their paycheck.

Other bosses take a more “bottom-up” approach. They assign each team member work that promises to utilize their unique skill sets and actualize their potential. These bosses end up with workers who feel seen and cared about. Conscious of the personal benefits of their job, they invest heart and soul into their work.

Which kind of boss do you think our yetzer hara needs?

We’ve accomplished a lot with our yetzer hara so far. We’ve lowered his resistance by making his “workload” look reasonable. We’ve learned to speak his language – the language of simplicity. And those are excellent steps. But if we want our yetzer hara to really support our avodas Hashem, we need to get him personally invested in it.

How do we do that?

First, let’s remember who the yetzer hara is: our “human side,” made up of our emotions, drives, and desires. This “human side” has needs and wants to fill. If we want him to cooperate with us, we need to explain to him why avodas Hashem is worth his while.

It starts with listening to him – really listening. Next time your yetzer hara nags you about something, take a moment to ask him, “Why?” What need does he think he can fill through this aveirah? Be patient with him – he might have to drag up his answer from deep inside.

Why is this conversation so important? Because once we know what our yetzer hara wants, we can make him a counteroffer.

“We get you, yetzer hara. You need xyz. Well, guess what? You can get that very thing through Torah and mitzvos. No, the payoff might not be instant, but once it does come, it will last. It will fill you in a way that no aveirah can.”

Picture this: you’re arguing with your spouse, and your yetzer hara is egging you on. Why? Because he wants to feel good. He wants the satisfaction of being right.

What if, in that moment, you reminded him that life feels so much better and more fulfilling when shalom bayis is good? When you and your spouse feel close to each other? Ask him to compare the momentary “fix” of being right with the deep, pervasive satisfaction of a peaceful, loving relationship.

We’re not here to judge him, or to criticize him for wanting what he does. We’re just here to present the facts. That’s exactly how Chazal tell us to do it: “Weigh the loss of a mitzvah against its gain, and the gain of an aveirah against its loss.”

That’s Negotiation Tip #3 – Show him the math. Tell the yetzer hara what’s in it for him. Explain to him why it’s so much more worth his while to choose right.

Rav Aharon of Karlin once said, “I have more physical pleasure from reciting Nishmas Kol Chai on Shabbos than the Czar gets from all the delights his money can buy him.”

True ovdei Hashem don’t negate their yetzer hara’s wants. They acknowledge them, accept them – and find a way to fulfill them through Torah and mitzvos.