Chesed you can do just by thinking

We’ve done well so far in our spiri-preneurial chesed venture.

We’ve learned how to give life and empowerment to others through our chesed. We’ve also discovered how to accomplish the same thing through receiving the chesed of others.

Ready for the next challenge? (And what a challenge!)

Ayin Tovah. Viewing others positively. According to Rabbeinu Yonah, ayin tovah is synonymous with the middah of nedivus, benevolence.

Hm. What does ayin tovah have to do with chesed, or giving to others? Isn’t ayin tovah something that goes on just in our heads?

We humans are wired to categorize people. To squeeze them into narrow little mental boxes, defining entire individuals based on the traits our perception picks up.

That guy walking down the street? Oh, he’s a chassid. Ahh. Hm. Okay. Automatically, that means he’s X, he isn’t Y, and he’s most probably Z. (Amazing, how much you can divine about him without even seeing him up close!)

Your new coworker? From the Prada glasses to the Ferragamo belt, so much about him screams “shallow” and “materialistic.” Not my type…

That friend of yours? What a clown. He’s great for having a good time with, but when you need depth and insight, you don’t even think of calling him.

Your new brother-in-law? You didn’t even know they made them that yeshivish. Why bother trying to build a relationship? He won’t be able to relate to you anyway.

Your husband? What can you say? He’s a good man, but… a man. Those stereotypical jokes they make about clueless husbands? They were written about him.

We all do this to some degree. And when we do, we’re not just cutting ourselves off from rewarding relationships. We’re actively cramping the other’s ability to perform better than our expectations. To grow beyond our limited perception of them.

How? Our narrow perspective gives off vibes. When the “other” interacts with us, they get this feeling: “To me, you are the small, limited person I’ve determined you to be. And nothing can change my thinking on that.”

That’s why we need to be generous. Ayin tovah, in Rabbeinu Yonah’s words, stems from “rochav lev,” an expansive heart.

How do we “expand” our own hearts? By giving up that “boxing” habit that makes us feel better-than, righter-than, or smarter-than. By forfeiting the sense of power that comes with capping another’s greatness, and opening ourselves to the possibility that this “other” actually holds far more good inside them than we can imagine. That they can grow, change, develop new facets of themselves.

When we think that way, we give of ourselves. We give our own willingness to change our thinking about another.

And by doing that, we give them the space, the opportunity to become more. To surprise us with growth inspired by our generosity of perception. Because when we start to believe in them and their greatness, we start to give off different vibes. Vibes that tell them of our faith in them. Vibes that empower them to achieve our expectations.

Whether it’s your coworker, friend, brother-in-law, husband, or a stranger you pass in the street, you have an opportunity to shine a light of growth upon them. Just by expanding your perception, by allowing for them to be more than you think they are, you can expand their reality, and help them flourish.